200+ Ideas for Instagram Caption – Funny, Short, Sassy
I’m more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: she changes it more often.
Dear work stress, let’s break up.
Good morning, Let the Stress begin…
If stress actually burnt calories..I’d be a size zero!
Me: I’m actually happy right now. Life: LOL one sec
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I have no problem with those who don’t like me, but I do have a problem with those who pretend to.
I don’t care if people don’t like me. I wasn’t put on this earth to entertain anyone.
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Don’t be afraid to be open-minded, your brain is not going to fall out.
Face your problems, don’t Instagram them
I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me.
I have a thousand things to say to you, and a thousand reasons not to.
I forgive people by forgetting them.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
I really need a day between Saturday & Sunday.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I started the week with a big box of Patience. The box is empty now.
I have lots of hidden talents. Problem is, even I can’t find them.
I think I need glasses because I keep seeing a lot of people with two faces.
I don’t care if you’re black, white, short, tall, skinny, rich or poor. If you RESPECT me I’ll respect you.
They are not grey hairs! They are wisdom highlights!! I just happen to be extremely wise.
Be a good person but don’t try to prove it.
Be a good person but don’t try to prove it
I am good enough person to forgive you. But not stupid enough to trust you again!
I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Trust me I am a liar.
Out of all the lies I’ve told, “Just kidding” is my favorite.
Quit trying to fix me I am not broken
Nobody notices what I do…until I don’t do it.
We are all living in cages with the door wide open.
When life shuts a door… Open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.
My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
I can’t believe I work this hard to be this poor.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.
The road to success is always under construction.
If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
My life needs editing.
May my enemies live a long life to see my success.
The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.
You have to be odd to be number one.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Don’t follow me because I don’t even know where I’m going!!
Started from the bottom now we’re here.
Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door
Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
The best mistake to never repeat is to cry for the same problem twice.
I love people I can be crazy with.
Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
I’ve insulted my Best Friend more than I’ve insulted my worst enemy.
I don’t have time to hate people who hate me because I’m too busy loving people who love me.
Sometimes being silly with a friend is the best therapy!
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.
Oh My Goodness! Can you imagine if there were two of me!
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.
You think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.
No bond is stronger than two people who hate the same person.
I thought growing old would take longer!
The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing the things people say you can’t 😉
Never announce your moves before you make them.
If Plan A fails remember that you have 25 letters left.
My talent: not sleeping at night.
At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up. Lol 🙂
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Family is like chocolate, mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional.
Keep your heels, head & standards high.
Catch flights, not feelings!
I never said most of the things I said.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do dishes.
Single is not a status, it is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.
Single doesn’t always mean lonely and relationship doesn’t always mean happy.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
Life update: Still a mess.
Facebook should have an ‘Enemy List’
Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.
Facebook is the only book that we read every day.
I’m quitting facebook to face my books…
Don’t be so quick to judge me. After all, You only see what I choose to show you.
I know I am Awesome, so I don’t care about your opinion..!!
I’m an odd combination of “REALLY SWEET” and “DON’T MESS WITH ME”!!!
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Onions make me sad, a lot of people don’t realize that.
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
My dad has the most awesome girl in the world.
Admit it.. Life would be so boring without me.
Take me as I am or watch me as I go.
I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn’t cooperate.
I’m born to express, not to impress.
If you show me 1% of goodness, I’ll show 100% in return. But if you show 1% of attitude, I’ll show100% of it.
5’2 but my attitude 6’1
There’s always a wild side to an innocent face.
The innocent ones always have a wild side.
Out Of My Mind, Be Back In 5 Minutes.
I’m an odd combination of “REALLY SWEET” and “DON’T MESS WITH ME”
I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I love car rides so much that I actually get disappointed when we reach our destination.
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
We live in the era of Smart Phones and Stupid people.
Brains are awesome I wish everybody had one!
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
Facebook should have “So What” button !!
Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
I would lose weight but I don’t like losing.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
If at first you don’t succeed, order some pizza.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don’t succeed, fix ponytail try again.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you lemons make lemonade
When life gets blurry adjust your focus.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
When someone makes you an option make them a memory.
If you treat me like an option, I’ll leave you like a choice.
I may look like I’m doing nothing… But in my head I’m quite busy.
Always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood
I need a vacation..Someone kidnap me please?
Stop talking… I’ve entered my mental vacation.
I have enough jewelry – Said no one ever!
I like long romantic walks down the makeup aisle.
Shopping is an art and I am an artist. Please respect!
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
I really wanna work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun 😉
Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.
I’m 97% sure you don’t like me, But I’m 100% sure I don’t care.
Of course women don’t work as hard as men… They get it right the first time.
When girls say “Leave me alone” actually it means “I need you”
Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.
A girl can never have enough jewelry.
If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.
People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
Once upon a time, I don’t care, I still don’t care. The end.
Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It’s made all my money disappear!
I hate math but I love counting money.
Calories don’t count on vacation!
Removed all junk food from my house. It was delicious.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
I always arrive late at office but I make it by leaving early.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
Why would you go to the gym to work out when you can go to the Paint Store and get “thinner”
Don’t think outside the box. Think like there is no box.
Don’t think outside the box. Think like there is no box.
Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.
Dare To Be Different!
I may look like I’m doing nothing… But in my head I’m quite busy.
If someone hates you for no reason, you might as well give them a good reason to do so.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Not all stars belong in the sky.
Learn from everyone. Follow no one.
I am a woman, I bend I don’t break!
I am a smart person… I just do stupid things.
I love my haters, they make me famous!
Always dress like you are going to see your worst enemy 😉
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
I don’t like people who buy gym memberships just to walk on a treadmill. WALKING IS FREE.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, a successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage is a workshop.. where husband works & wife shops..
I love being on vacation and never knowing what day of the week it is.
I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color.
Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.
Make today so awesome, yesterday gets jealous!!
Smile in front of those who hates you – It kills them.
I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself that I never knew.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
Behind every successful women is herself.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
The secret of happiness is to have a bad memory!
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
Be so happy that when others look at you, they become happy too.
I’ve got nothing to do today but Smile
I’m tired with this day, I need a new one.
I’m Retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired today.
Why can’t the morning news ever say: Today has been canceled.. go back to sleep!
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